I know I shouldn’t blame myself and I know there’s nothing to prevent it from have happening. I just wish I would have learned more from him. My dad was a tattoo artist, and that’s what I wanted to do with my life. I had no thoughts or plans of going to college, because I was so set on becoming a tattoo artist. Art was my passion, I loved it. Now I can hardly draw without wanting to cry or getting infuriated about the way life turned out. It’s what I was meant to do. I’ve been drawing since I could hold up a pencil and it hurts me that I’m losing my touch. Yeah, sure, I could always become a tattoo artist if I wanted to elsewhere.. But it’s not the same… I wanted my dad to mentor me and teach me. He always told me to wait until I was older, and now look. There’s no time. We ran out of time. When he passed away, my grandma wanted me to take over his tattoo parlor. I couldn’t do it. I hardly knew a thing about tattooing besides creating needles and the tattoo supply setup. I just feel like I’ve let my dad down. It’s been almost three years and I still can’t get over this.
Sorry for ranting, it’s just something I needed to get off my chest. Kudos if you took the time to read this..
I miss you… I miss how you hog the bed and how you don’t clean your ears properly and how you wash your balls last and how you’ll reach over in the middle of the night to pull me close against your body and how you reach for my hand and look around frantically just to make sure I’m still next to you and your terrible singing and how you dropped me off at the airport and said bye but then came back just to tell me you love me. I miss your chest hair and leg hair and feet and that dimple and your kisses. I miss taking showers with you and washing your back and holding each other underneath the water. I miss the sound of your laugh and the way you stare at me when I’m upset, because even when I’m mad, all you have to do is hold me and I feel better. It’s only been a little over a month, but it feels so much longer. I’d do anything just to feel you next to me again.
Kind of feeling like I’ll never really amount to much because of my fear of failing and being scared of everything. Cool.
I feel so emotionally unstable lately. No matter how many times I try to put myself back together, something else bad happens. It’s like drowning in water and no matter how many times you try to gulp back up for air, an infinite combination of forces keeps tugging you down. I can’t breathe.
… I keep abandoning my Tumblr. I’m sorry, y’all. I’d say it won’t happen again, but that’d only make me a liar. ;c
Life update: A school bus hit my parked car, and now they’re buying my car so I’m getting a new car soon. WIN. Also, I’m going to Seattle the beginning of March to attend my first Comicon and dress as a Lolita girl. :’)
- Him: *playing with my hair until he encounters a tangle* you have split ends.
- Me: What? No, I don't. I just got a haircut!
- Him: *points at tangle* then what's this?
- Me: my hair is tangled..
- Him: then what's a split end?
- Me: ... It's when a strand of your hair splits.
- Him: .... Oh.
I had the most scary dream last night. Like, I was pregnant. So I gave birth to my baby, then my baby turned into a cat. O.o then the cat started having kittens, there was about three of them. Then my brother and mom started throwing the poor kitties into the ceiling fan and they had these terrible devilish grins on their faces. I was just curled in a ball in shock, crying. Then I woke up… So weird and terrible. :c no more scary movies for meeee. lol
1. I always drive with a pillow behind my back.
2. I met president Clinton in Korea when I was five, and he shook my hand and called me a pretty girl. (Now that I think back on it, it’s really creepy.)
3. I hate fried chicken.
4. I was watching the movie Juno in the hospital the day my dad died.
5. My middle finger on my right hand is crooked from a gymnastics injury.
6. Cold weather makes my bones stiff.
7. I underline my favorite quotes and parts in books.
8. I can cry on cue.
9. I love vegetables.
10. Pink roses are my favorite.
11. I own over thirty dresses and I hardly wear them.
12. When I worked at Orange Leaf, I gave everyone I knew a higher discount than I was allowed to.
13. I’m lactose intolerant.
14. I always have to pee.
15. There’s a certain time each month that I crave cheeseburgers.
16. My parents met in the Philippines.
17. I’m a terrible liar.
18. Texas is the only state I’ve lived in.
19. I always wear my retainer to sleep.
20. I used to cross stitch.
21. If someone’s talking, I’ll almost always stare at their lips because I suck at eye contact.
22. I’ve seen every episode of That 70’s Show.
23. The clothes in my closet are color coordinated.
24. I hate driving.
25. I found out the tooth fairy wasn’t real when I found a little jar full of all my baby teeth. I was horrified.
I always have these weird dreams where my dad comes back to life, and he’s saying hello to the family so casually like he was never gone in the first place. In the dream, I always give him the hugest hug and tell him that I love him. If I had one regret in life, it’d be taking my dad for granted and never giving him enough hugs.. I used to be such a daddy’s girl. Going on exciting adventures to Home Depot and he’d always buy me little surprises like a book that I barely mentioned to him.
Anyway, in the dream, I saw my dad again. I just remember excitedly exclaiming, ‘teach me to be like you! I want to learn how to give tattoos’ and he just smiled at me. I guess my dad likes visiting my dreams to tell me that I can accomplish things on my own. I wish you were here to be my guide, but I know you’re still with me in spirit. So, thank you, daddy.
-Hello Kitty Coffee mug
-Betsey Johnson purse
-Relaxing Microwaveable Comfort Wrap
-American Horror Story shirt
-Hello Kitty watch
-Sweater my grandma knitted me. :D
-Movie: No Strings Attached
-Betsey Johnson bracelet
-Hello Kitty dish set
-Betsey Johnson earrings
-My Little Pony PJ’s
-Cupcake Throw blanket
-Elephant tea set
-Bath&body Works lotion
-Hand and Foot Spa creme.
-Audrey Hepburn puzzle -Mod Podge